HALF THE MONEY

A familiar cliché in Hollywood is, “I’ve got half the money and I’m just looking for the other half.” Upon closer inspection it usually means that an arms dealer in Syria is putting up a guarantee that a Lebanese bank will honor. This gets married up with an Irish post production tax shelter deal and all of this gets bundled together into an official looking letter that says if you can attract the other half of the budget, we got a deal. One small caveat being that the arms dealer has a son who wants to be a producer or a girlfriend who will be the leading lady. The longer you stick around, the crazier the financing schemes get.

Whatever happened to the good old days when a patron of the arts (often inspired by the proximity of beautiful young women) simply took a flyer? Nowadays it’s all corporate money and they traditionally need to see someone else’s head, besides the Syrian arms dealer, out on the chopping block. The typical well-heeled investor is absolutely ready to take the plunge predicated on having foreign distribution, domestic pre-sales, contracts that guarantee his money back and a handsome profit. Once those are in place, it’s a green light. Thanks for nothing! (If you have all those things, you no longer need the investor, as any entertainment banker will loan you the money.)

Today’s would-be high roller still wants to take meetings and talk the talk about being in Showbiz but after the first meeting a-go-go, there is a lawyer, a wife or business manager who usually says, “no-no.” They politely explain to you that Charley is off his rocker and didn’t really mean it. And old money, fugetaboutit! The blue chippers have all their equity tied up before they’re born and long after they’re dead. It’s a lovely ride over to the country club for drinks and a game of tennis but the bottom line is they ain’t paying for anything other than their next party (a tax write-off), their next Hummer (another tax write-off), or going out to play with their polo ponies or new girlfriends. Very rarely do you encounter the blue chipper who’s determined to burn through the family fortune during their lifetime. It’s veddy bad form and just not done. 

You’re not a true independent filmmaker in Hollywood until you’ve taken a meeting or three with somebody who represents a mysterious Asian connection who has at least one hundred million looking for the right project. There probably is such an individual who gets his jollies by sending out a myriad of emissaries just to stir the pot and see how many free dinners and hot babes they can score before wearing out the welcome mat. The would-be mogul has no intention of really parting with his money and his agents just like to talk about it. They like to say, “yes, yes, yes” to all the various deal points until the day the contract is to be signed or the money deposited and then it’s, “No, so sorry. Didn’t know that you really thought we were going to do the deal!” 

Had a Korean man appear in my life one time with a suitcase full of hundreds. (500,000 to be exact.) He said, “Numerology says I need to make a movie beginning in three weeks or else I buy condominium in Marina Del Rey.” I asked, “Have you got a script?” He says, “No, but wife write treatment, two pages.” I looked at the money and back at the guy and said, “Let’s make a movie.” We ended up shooting a rip- off of, “The Karate Kid goes to College” for 20 days up in San Jose. The movie behind the scenes was ten times better than what landed in front of the camera. The Korean hopefully got his money’s worth and I paid the rent for the next couple of months. (He probably would have made more money buying the Marina Del Rey condo but that’s beside the point.)

The real home run these days is finding the true gambler - a person who started with nothing more than a good idea and made their fortune by following their gut instincts. After several successes in the computer business, stock market or real estate they finally arrive at what has always been the true gamblers Mecca – Showbiz! Where hope springs eternal, millions are won or lost every weekend and busloads of future starlets keep arriving from the hinterlands.

This is such an amazing game. Now if you can just find someone who actually has the other half of the money, let’s do lunch.